Summer

I find myself lately wanting the Summer to be over. I am ready for the daily school grind (I think!). I don't know. I think my Type A personality and OCD need the structure. I've found myself a little lost this past month and extremely disorganized...very unlike me.

Don't get me wrong....I've loved our Summer. With 3 weeks left before school we still have plenty of fun things planned. (I'm already reminiscing about the roadtrip to CA...and my two parrots squawking every 15 minutes "Are we there yet?"...the firework burns...the paintball welts....swimmer's ear, bug bites and my sunburn.)

It's been a non-stop whirlwind HOT Summer but I think I'm ready for the Fall or at least some cooler temperatures! San Diego left me wanting more of that and maybe that is where my funk comes from. I'm always sad to leave SD and it tends to stick with me for a long while. I plan our vacation around SD every year. A little selfish...I know.

So Funk or not I'm just gonna have to get through it. I tend to look forward to the "BIG" things on the calendar. I muddle through the middle until I get to the reward.

Next BIG one is Ava's first day at Kindergarten. I'm anxious and not prepared for another child with homework but I'll do it along with ballet, cheer leading, karate and flag football. Maybe I'm not ready for the Summer to be over.

Jeez, I'm such a whiner!

Somewhere over the rainbow!

I've come to realize lately that happiness is grown and cultivated like a tomato. Tomato?? Makes me immediately long for that bruchetta recipe I so dearly love...can you tell I haven't eaten anything for dinner? Ok..if you call the sliced edges of grilled cheese dinner...then I've eaten!)

If you don't care about your happiness it will shrivel up and DIE.

Lately I've not watered my happiness garden. (Sounds like a line from one of the SkiniMAX shows on late night cable!)

I've decided that I am going to try...very hard...to do things that cultivate my happiness. This won't be easy.

Remember...I'm a whiner.

Angry

I am angry. I've been more angry than happy this week and I don't really know how to process it. Some of the anger is caused by my own insecurity.

Ernie is on a fitness kick and has lost 15 pounds. He runs while the kids eat dinner and then he goes to the gym when they go to sleep. I am angry. Angry that I now have to cook less fattening meals. Angry that he turns my food away and that he wants nothing to do with bread and angry that he seems to find all the time in the world to do what he wants on a daily basis.

Went to visit friends (mostly his) for Memorial Day. Got saddled with everyones kids plus my own the first night while the daddy's jammed with their band and the mommies...who knows where those frickin mommies were. I was the only mommy there so I got the kids. Not happy!

Next morning made sure that we were going to do something as a family...go to the Zoo! Was asked if I wouldn't mind taking all the mommies kids to the zoo because they had things to do in the afternoon and really needed those kids out of their hair? WHAT??? Come on!!!! When do I get to leave my kids with you and enjoy some alone time? Apparently never...as has been my experience staying with this particular group of friends. This is why I do not stay at other people's homes when I am on vacation...I like to be able to do my own thing and not get saddled into someone else schedule or become their weekend babysitter. But again..my fault...I knew the potential was there. I let it happen! Angry!!

This morning...RING RING RING RING RING...goes my doorbell at 6:00am...I am jolted out of bed...still asleep running towards the door. I was sure that was the doorbell ring of an emergency. RING RING RING RING RING. I open the door to the neighbors delinquent kid asking if I could get his frisbee from my backyard. "Honey...why would you ring my doorbell so early for that? Because my mommy told me to." ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME? I am ANGRY! ANGRY as hell! Ava kept me up until 2:00 am with an asthma and coughing attack she's finally asleep and your mom sent you over here for your frisbee. What is wrong with that woman...many things I am sure!!

So I sit hear...blogging...venting...whinning...angry...tired. Mostly tired! I am a whiner. Trying to process my anger...I know I'll get over it...but seems like alot of anger for the week in addition to the nominal angriness that normally occurs on a weekly basis.

Calgon take me away!!! Or better yet...Stoli's help me forget this week!

Put a fork in me....I am done!!

Grown Up

I have a guilty pleasure that doesn't involve rag mags, blogs, alcohol or the munchies.

I will rush home and quickly go over homework and feed the kiddos (if you can call Ramen noodles food) just to be able to watch The Real Housewives of Whatever City. Doesn't matter to me which City. It's all the same.

I don't dress like them...I don't live like them...I don't vacation like them...and I know I certainly don't behave with my "friends" like them (at least not since high school).

It's the drama and dysfunctional female relationships that are surely set up for viewer enjoyment that keep me watching. It's a trainwreck...it's a reality soap opera. Those women act like they are in highschool and I love it!

So I go on and enjoy....listening and watching them just like when I watch The Super Nanny...am so happy that my life in no way resembles theirs!

Earlier this evening I was preparing Ava for her Preschool Graduation which is tomorrow...she's been at her school since she was 16 months. I know it really hasn't sunken in...tomorrow she will be happy and sad...and when I attempted tonight to prepare her for her last day..she looked up at me and said "I don't want to grown up".

I thought of those women and highschool and I agreed with her....I don't want to "grown up" either and then I watched the trainwreck all over again!

Thinking too much

I suppose this feeling is nothing new. The more I travel the more and more I have these thoughts.

I am a worrier. I have OCD. I measure safety all the time. I am a type A personality. I make lists...lots of lists.

I have been this way my entire life.

Eight years ago this Mother's Day weekend...I became a MOTHER! Everything that I am tripled!

I think about mortality all the time...but not so much in the sense of "I hope my children and husband know that I loved them" "I hope I was a good mother"...more like...I hope to GOD my husband remembers that Ava's recital is at the end of the month along with her pre-school graduation and Eli's last day of school is on the 26th and he has Fun Day and it's Free Dress!

Will he know how much is left on the daycare card...lunch card...that they have a dentist appointment and Ava needs a physical before August? Will he brush Ava's hair? I should have shown him how to braid hair.

Does he know my passwords for my email accounts, Facebook, Paypal, Blogger, Photobucket?

I am consumed. Time to pack my bags and make my lists.

Then I remember...I think too much!

Confessions

Forgive me Lord for I have sinned.

I sent my children to Catholic School so I wouldn't have to take them to CCD.



I have coveted my neighbors beautifully styled hair and emmaculate fingernails.

I have murdered a trout, a ficus tree and the nastiest looking insect known to man.



I have lied to my boss, my children, my mother and myself.

I have stolen creative ideas, Splenda packets and the extra toilet paper rolls from hotels.






I am not a good Catholic. I am not the best mother. I'm an even worse wife.

These are my sins. Please forgive me Lord.



My darling son made his First Confession in preparation for his First Holy Communion which was today.

I am thankful for his religion, his morality, his innocence and his faith.



His sins are few.

Mine are not.

But I am working on them.....one confession at a time.

Chef...Boy are We!

I am not a child of divorce. My parents have been married for 42 years this June. My husband is a child of divorce. His parents were divorced when he was 13 years old.

I have very fond memories of family dinners..OK...wait that's not the whole truth...what about the memories of those right hooks you'd get if you were caught licking or sucking your fingers at the dinner table? Scratch that...I have fond memories of dinners that didn't involve eating ribs or any food that you'd have to eat with your fingers.

My husband has no real memories of sitting to dinner as a child. He cooked many a meal for himself. (This could actually be a good thing!)

I have one child who is a carnivore. He'll eat almost anything you put in front of him. Then there is my daughter...if it isn't a pancake, bread, banana, cheese, calamari, steak or deli meat, she probably won't eat it. (I know...how on earth did we get her to eat Calamari...simple...we told her it was cheese...of course we have to put a clamp on Eli's mouth when they serve the little octopus looking suckers...he's just chopping at the bit to tell her...little fiend!)

Dinners have always been challenging for me. Not because I can't cook (I'm an overheater you see...my husband calls me this because he says I always cook with a high flame. I tend to burn things...alot!) I consider myself a good enough cook when I have time to cook and not do anything else like homework, laundry or wipe someones butt! I HAVE to cook fast..and eat fast (all mommies understand this...you must eat fast if you want hot food or food at all). So...yes...I take man bites of my food and I am a high flamer!

Recently I've been in a dinner funk. I've been spewing "If you can find it...you can eat it!" for days causing my husband to make dinners (Quesadillas, grilled cheese, rice). My husband has said "enough is enough". Ok.. fine..fine...fine! I get it. I need to COOK dinner...real dinners. This from the "no memory" guy!

My husband's point has been taken. His children will have the memories that he didn't have.

I've committed. I am committed...or I should be committed? I think the latter applies most! Thankfully I am not cooking my way through any cookbook or then I'd definitely be deemed INSANE! Who the hell has time to do that after working eight hours a day with a football or ballet practice thrown in? Not me. So we go from 2 family dinners a week to 4. I get a 3 day reprieve.

I wish they liked TV dinners.

Now wouldn't that be a memory? Or not?

Similar Thoughts

Tonight, I am weary. Weary from a three day "work" trip to a BIG city away from my kids and my husband.

Ok..that's not the truth.

I am not weary from the actual trip...it's the getting home part that made me weary.

My monthly trips for "work" are my escape. I eat 3 full meals a day (paid for none the less) am able to take hot showers, paint my toes, work out, I have sole control of the TV and I only have to get myself ready in the morning (although I still have to make a wake up call to Mr. in the morning). I wear makeup and do my hair!

Coming home makes me WEARY!

Momma's work is never done...as soon as I stepped off the plane I was back at my second job. I was missed but first things first..."where are our surprises?" my children incessantly asked..my fault I know...when I first started to travel I used this to ease their worries and make them a little bit more excited about my absence and inevitable return but jeez children...let a woman breathe!

All I wanted to to was to get them picked up, home and fed. My husband conveniently advised me that since I was able to take an earlier flight then he made plans to play 9 holes of golf. I have a hole he can play with..(did I just type that..yup). Oh well...by all means...please go and play golf...I mean... I just had a relaxing 3 day "work" trip and who am I to begrudge you some "me" time? It's not like that man doesn't get enough of that!

So here I am...weary...at home.. couldn't wait to catch up on all the blogs I follow. I've been deprived the past few days. I read one of my favorites...a cake lady that I have to admit....says so many things that I think in my head...but never say. We have similar thoughts. We live similar lives. She's just committed her family to a long distance move from a city and a lifestyle that suits her. I too went through this and all the emotions that come with packing up the life you've known for one that is a little bit of a mystery.

I understand her funk. She may decide not to blog anymore...which makes me kinda sad. I like her blog. I like her cakes. I want to recreate one of her cakes with those candies and that butter cream frosting recipe of hers and she's talking about not blogging anymore! Not sharing her wonderful stories about REAL life and REAL thoughts and the cakes, those edible pictures of the cakes she makes and what about that damn pad? What's going to happen to it?

I have to do something...I'll have to comment. Not beg. I won't do that. I'll share. I'll share some similar thoughts about uncertainty and asparagus.

Then I have to get back to my kiddos...who appear to be having severe momma withdrawls as evidenced by their thirty second meltdowns which are succeeding in sucking what little energy I have left this evening.

1st Adventure

On our very first outing with our new RV we visited Leasburg Dam State Park. It was an economical choice for our first trip. There was so much to do and see that we never knew existed. Next to the camping area is Fort Selden National Monument, an old 19th Century military outpost.

There was a park for the kids to play and to watch the local critters scatter about. We sat in front of a woodburning indian chimenea and watched the sunset.

I can honestly say that we would have never visited Leasburg had we not had the RV. It was a suprising little oasis. We had a picnic at the Dam with the biggest strawberries I've ever seen!

The State Park had electrical hookups only. The facilities (showers and bathrooms) were clean if not a wee bit crowded.

This trip taught me the importance of water conservation (although my husband insisted it was "no trouble" we had to dump our gray water in the middle of our weekend) as the RV campsites did not have full hookups. But each pad site did have a covered picnic area and a fire pit! Luckily I didn't forget the marshmellows!

I did however realize that I forgot to pack a few essential items such as a can opener, large tote bags (to go to and from the shower facility...plastic bags had to do) and picnic table cover clips (a very handy item..let me tell ya!).

Luckily my sister accompanied us with her family and their gianormous RV and she conveniently had a few items I forgot. Prior to our trip I stocked our travel trailer with all of the permanent essentials plates, silverware, towels, blankets, pillows, cups, pantry items, homey knicknacks and such. My sister did warn me that it would take a few trips to figure out what we'd need on a permanent basis and she suggested that I make a list every time we vacationed so I would remember what to pack for the next trip! We are lucky to be able to park our RV at our home, honestly, it makes it sooo much easier when you are getting ready for a trip!

Another first was dealing with my limited counter space. I made an easy no fuss apple pie in the oven for the first time. I'm known for my pies...did I tell you that? Everyone was very pleased with the result!

Things I learned on this trip:


1) Watch your water usage when you don't have full hookups!


2) Make a list of things you forgot on this trip & pack them for the next.


3) Easy no fuss recipes work best when you have limited counter and storage space.


4) Pack outdoor toys for the kids to play with!



We became officially hooked, so to speak anyway! Hopefully we'll never have any of those RV movie moments...for those of you that own or rent RV's..I highly recommend the move "RV" with Robin Williams. So funny..and sometimes...so true!

Becoming an Adventurer

A couple of years ago we purchased a RV...a travel trailer to be exact. My sister had one and I thought at the time that she was absolutely nuts to buy one.

We have always prided ourselves on the fact that we were actual "campers"...we roughed it...tent, sleeping bags, Coleman stove, lanterns and jugs of water. Who needed a RV? We surely didn't! But then again, we hadn't "camped" in a gazillion years. Why? Because we had kids. I changed...he changed...we cared if we had toilets, clean cozy beds, heat, airconditioning and showers!! Maybe not so much for ourselves but for our kids.

So...we started to think that maybe my sister and her husband were onto something...we could give our children the camping memories...with a modern twist! We could travel with our pull behind apartment...we would become adventurers! We could barely contain ourselves!

We found a travel trailer that met our family sleeping/living needs and we haven't stopped since...although during the Winter our trailer sits at our house longer than we'd like...we use it not only for camping but tailgating and family get togethers at my father's pecan farm! It also comes in handy as guest sleeping quarters!

Owning and using the RV have been a learning experience in the works! Packing becomes an art! Bathing is a time trial! Cooking...a lesson in patience!

My type A personality has embraced our travel trailer...the planning...the organizing. There have been alot of trial and error but in the end...our adventures have given us the memories of a lifetime!

My sister wasn't so crazy afterall!