Somewhere over the rainbow!

I've come to realize lately that happiness is grown and cultivated like a tomato. Tomato?? Makes me immediately long for that bruchetta recipe I so dearly love...can you tell I haven't eaten anything for dinner? Ok..if you call the sliced edges of grilled cheese dinner...then I've eaten!)

If you don't care about your happiness it will shrivel up and DIE.

Lately I've not watered my happiness garden. (Sounds like a line from one of the SkiniMAX shows on late night cable!)

I've decided that I am going to try...very hard...to do things that cultivate my happiness. This won't be easy.

Remember...I'm a whiner.

Angry

I am angry. I've been more angry than happy this week and I don't really know how to process it. Some of the anger is caused by my own insecurity.

Ernie is on a fitness kick and has lost 15 pounds. He runs while the kids eat dinner and then he goes to the gym when they go to sleep. I am angry. Angry that I now have to cook less fattening meals. Angry that he turns my food away and that he wants nothing to do with bread and angry that he seems to find all the time in the world to do what he wants on a daily basis.

Went to visit friends (mostly his) for Memorial Day. Got saddled with everyones kids plus my own the first night while the daddy's jammed with their band and the mommies...who knows where those frickin mommies were. I was the only mommy there so I got the kids. Not happy!

Next morning made sure that we were going to do something as a family...go to the Zoo! Was asked if I wouldn't mind taking all the mommies kids to the zoo because they had things to do in the afternoon and really needed those kids out of their hair? WHAT??? Come on!!!! When do I get to leave my kids with you and enjoy some alone time? Apparently never...as has been my experience staying with this particular group of friends. This is why I do not stay at other people's homes when I am on vacation...I like to be able to do my own thing and not get saddled into someone else schedule or become their weekend babysitter. But again..my fault...I knew the potential was there. I let it happen! Angry!!

This morning...RING RING RING RING RING...goes my doorbell at 6:00am...I am jolted out of bed...still asleep running towards the door. I was sure that was the doorbell ring of an emergency. RING RING RING RING RING. I open the door to the neighbors delinquent kid asking if I could get his frisbee from my backyard. "Honey...why would you ring my doorbell so early for that? Because my mommy told me to." ARE YOU FRICKING KIDDING ME? I am ANGRY! ANGRY as hell! Ava kept me up until 2:00 am with an asthma and coughing attack she's finally asleep and your mom sent you over here for your frisbee. What is wrong with that woman...many things I am sure!!

So I sit hear...blogging...venting...whinning...angry...tired. Mostly tired! I am a whiner. Trying to process my anger...I know I'll get over it...but seems like alot of anger for the week in addition to the nominal angriness that normally occurs on a weekly basis.

Calgon take me away!!! Or better yet...Stoli's help me forget this week!

Put a fork in me....I am done!!